By Meredith Siegel Cohen, Creator, Single and Striking Out

With a blog entitled Single and Striking Out (meaning: on my own), it’s only fitting that I would draw a parallel to Independence Day. For our nation, it’s a celebration of freedom and independence from England’s sovereignty over the thirteen colonies.

For me, well okay, I wasn’t married to royalty. Perhaps if I had been, there’d have been no divorce, as I do love a sparkly tiara!

But I have been quietly asserting my own kind of independence – as a woman in midlife, divorced, single, and seeking love and clarity from and for myself first. With each post, I’m trying to capture my feelings, reflect on my actions, and push myself to do things that I normally wouldn’t feel so comfortable doing as a solo. There’s still much work to be done on that front.

This July 4^th weekend, however, I wanted to change it up and give myself a little pat on the back.

No matter how small or large the effort, I’ve been doing it, wading through the ocean of change, rising and ebbing with the waves of discomfort, and soaking in the rays of self-love when I catch them. Since February, just 5 months ago (!!), and across 20 pieces (and counting), I’ve been taking a more investigative look at embracing solo life, myself (flaws and all), and the emotions that seem to rather consistently wash over me like the tide.

So, as this special weekend celebrating liberty comes to a close, I thought I might share a top “10” list of the joys I have discovered in the freedoms afforded by my solo status:

1. I may not be a royal, but I can sleep in my queen-size bed (aptly named) like one, laying diagonally, arms outstretched, watching television or scrolling on my phone in the dark as long as I want without anyone telling me to “turn that off!” (not saying it’s healthy, but hey, it’s MY choice). And can we just talk about the absence of snoring on the other side . . .

2. My schedule is dictated by me. I can make decisions without having to consult another. Like driving a distance last minute to catch this spectacular sunset with dear friends.

3. My financial decisions are mine, and there’s no one questioning “is that new?” or “was that puppy really necessary?” with veiled disapproval. Why yes, this wooden beaded necklace I’ll likely only wear twice was absolutely necessary for my mental health, and . . . come on, how could anyone say no to this face??!

4. Secret Snacking goes unchallenged. I abide by my very own snacking rules. Like, if I slice up a cupcake and eat it sliver by sliver, standing at my kitchen counter, there are no calories. If I “taste” the food as I’m cooking (and by taste, I mean eat an entrée before the entrée), there are no calories. If I sip a martini as I’m preparing a pitcher, does it really count?? Without Steve in the next room asking, “Mer, are you eating? How can you be hungry? What are you doing in there?” I’d say absolutely not. [And for the record, Steve, hunger has nothing to do with a cupcake!]

5. I can sing without shame. I’m talking campy duets with Barry Manilow, sultry sounds with Etta James, and getting my country groove on with Keith Urban. Loud and proud, baby!! And, I don’t have to acquiesce to anyone else’s preferred tunes in the car, or field snide comments about my man Manilow.

6. My fashion choices are uncontested. Very casual isn’t really my look. Now, when I get dressed, no one is commenting “do you think you are overdressed? We are just going to Target.” No, Brian, “Tarjay” demands wide-legged pants with a blouse, jacket, cute flats, and that wooden beaded necklace you said I didn’t need, thank you very much.

7. I am embracing my curls. I am a curly girl, but have been straightening my hair forever to feel more attractive. Men do seem to prefer straight, and all my online pics are with the sleek style. But as I embrace myself more and more, I am starting to love the freedom that my curls represent. They are a superpower, as I can walk through rain and humidity without fear. Amazing!! Dare I put a curly pic on the dating sites??

8. I spend less time talking on the phone. Texting? Sure. But I am not a big phone talker, especially at 9:30pm. Ugh, do I have to pick up? No, at that hour I’m not interested in discussing minutiae, such as your food intake for the day. Nor am I interested in sharing what I ate for dinner or explaining why I don’t want to interrupt Netflix for this nonsense. And yes, once I’m on the phone, you will have to listen to all of my minutiae. So, think twice before you call, Tom.

9. There’s no mental health management of another. I am not responsible to be a “therapist in session” for a partner’s moodiness or depressive states. I’ve got enough crazy fish swimming in my own head!

10. I am learning that “alone” and “loneliness” are not the same thing. I chat with strangers more easily, know my presence is a present, and enjoy the reactions my broad smile evokes. Right now, I’m learning how to give myself the attention and adoration I deserve. And hey, I find my own company most agreeable. She never argues with me!

More than anything, I am granting myself the time and freedom I need to heal and grow. Of course, it would feel better to jump into the next thing, get a “fix” of companionship and warmth, and convince myself that this time it’s going to work.

But the truth is, I can’t “work” with another until I can be still and at peace with myself. So, while I am currently dating, I’m taking it slow. This period in my life is a bit solitary, but wholly necessary. What awaits on the other side is anyone’s guess, and worrying about it only pulls me away from today.

So, as I sit in the present, don’t be surprised if you hear me belting out ‘Can’t Smile Without You’ . . .  to myself.

XO,

Meredith

I hope this summer you catch bright rays, swim in beautiful waters, and do something exquisite for the unique and wonderful person you are. If you, too, are going through a solo season, please share your favorite freedoms in the comments below!!

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