by Meredith Siegel Cohen, Creator, Single and Striking Out
I told myself Valentine’s Day was just an ordinary day. I’ve come so far. It wasn’t going to hit the same. I will be my own Galentine.
I treated myself to my absolute favorite breakfast.
Look at the melting ball of butter – there’s nothing more comforting.
I bought soft cozy jammies and delicious flavored fresh ground coffee.
I know full well that love doesn’t exist just because some man buys me roses and chocolates.
So why did I burst into tears this morning?
Love is amplified today. And while I can preach Galantines up and down, the absence of a love interest is palpable. I feel it more deeply. Giving myself knife candy (the kind where I have to cut into each piece to see what I’m getting before I pop it in my mouth) isn’t the same as receiving that red heart box from another. Going to lunch with my dear friend is lovely, but it isn’t the same as the man I love telling me to be dressed and ready for a special 7:00 pm reservation.
It’s easier than last year, and certainly easier than the year before that, when I was fresh out of a relationship.
But still, it hits.
And you know what? It’s okay to feel sad.
We don’t have to be strong all the time. We don’t have to constantly buy into the platitudes that suggest women are strong, confident, and just perfect without partners. I mean, yes, we are strong and confident, but I really don’t know a single woman who wouldn’t like love in her life. Maybe not another marriage, maybe not even someone taking up permanent residence in her home.
Love is a reason for being. Love sustains us. If not for love- to give, to receive – then what the hell is it all for?
I have so many friends in marriages that tell me if he were to pass away, they’d be done. They’d happily focus on their interests and enjoy the peace.
Which is so easy to say when you are in a partnership. But for those of us whose relationships ended early from divorce or untimely death, well, we want what you have.
Material things are fun, work is validating and sustaining, children become our legacy but they grow up and assert independence, sometimes painfully. Where is the sustenance when we are sick, struggling, or even in celebration over something but have no one special to share it with?
Romantic, warm, comforting love. The choice to be with someone even when they drive you crazy. That’s the secret sauce.
And that is what is highlighted on Valentine’s Day.
For those of us who are solo, there is nothing wrong with wanting a partner to lean into, who means what he says and stands tall when we feel tired, sad, worried, and yes, even strong and full of zest. Zesty wants love too. Perhaps that is when it’s the most fun.
We don’t have to dilute our thoughts to conform to the mantra of ‘single is strong.’ There is strength in honesty. Every day.
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