Letting Go of Old Relationship Perceptions as a Solo Woman
I was at an evening event a few weeks ago. A women’s event.
It was a room full of bright, accomplished, beautiful souls.
An evening of empowerment — and that special wisdom and humor that only women can bring.
I was in my element, as I knew a nice number of attendees. Happily chatting and mingling before the program, I ran into another divorcee of similar age who I’ve known for years. While we were squarely in the year 2025, she took me back to 1950 in a matter of seconds.
Old Perceptions: The Lions and Tigers and Bears
Upon greeting me with a warm hug, her first — or maybe second — question was:
“Are you still seeing that man?”
I replied, “No, we broke up two years ago.”
After sharing that she was in a lengthy relationship, she then asked whether I was currently seeing anyone. Upon hearing me say, “Not at the moment,” she responded:
“Oh my goodness, what will you do??”
Thinking she must be kidding, I stood there silently, waiting for the punchline.
And she stared back in earnest, waiting for my answer.
Apparently, this was not a laughing matter.
I was flabbergasted. Just floored.
Did I hear her correctly? In these modern times, this smart, warm, professional woman, who could hold her own any day of the week in intelligence and income, was seriously suggesting that I am adrift without a man?!
I might expect this from an older generation, or from someone living on, ahem, Mars! But a soul sister? A fellow veteran of divorce?
I was shocked. Speechless — which isn’t an easy thing to do to me.
I think I finally uttered, “Live my life.”
It was a moment that has given me great pause, as I’m still pondering it weeks later. At first, I wondered what was wrong with her — and then I wondered why so many of us still feel this way.
After all, am I really so different? This blog was conceived as a way to help myself and others get over that very notion: that our lives aren’t meaningful or full enough without a partner.
A Positive Outlook: The Rainbow
A few weeks later, I was at a different event. In the morning. The sun was shining, the day fresh and brimming with positivity. Once again, I was mingling, and as luck would have it, I bumped into another divorcee I know of similar age.
This was a wholly different experience.
This one had lots of dating experiences that rivaled mine. We were having a good time laughing and swapping our “war” stories. She’s in a relationship now and knows deeply that he’s “the one.” I was so happy for her, and said her process gave me hope that I, too, would meet someone special.
I asked her how she stayed positive after the breakups. She said,
“Meredith, I get up and say to myself in the mirror: You are gorgeous. You are smart. You are witty. You are not settling. Any man would be lucky to have you. If I find him, great. If I don’t, I’ll be just as great.”
Wowsa!! What a difference in perspective.
Both women were of similar age, life stage, and experience of loss. Both lovely women. Yet they lived in two utterly different realities. One saw absence; the other, possibility.
Guess which one was more fun to chat with?!
The way we frame our situations shapes so much of our life. I realized that both of these women were living out the stories they believed. One saw her worth reflected in companionship; the other found it in connection, in laughter, in hope. And she darn well willed the right guy to come along, without giving in to mismatches born of loneliness or fear.
Inspiring, right!!?
I’m not saying the first woman isn’t in the right relationship for her — she very well could be. But I do wonder whether she would have the strength to walk away if she knew she was not.
Stepping Into My Solo Self with Positivity: The Ruby Slippers
It’s a hard thing to do when you’re comfortable — when the person you’re with starts to feel spouse-like. To stand firm with your gut takes courage, strength, and tremendous belief in what could be.
Then, of course, you have to be able to distinguish “not settling” from being unrealistic about relationships in general. No one is perfect. Partnerships require compromise and understanding. I think with the right person it all just feels easier and doable and still desirable. With the wrong one, it feels like an overwhelming hurdle — not worth the jump.
It reminds me of that scene from The Wizard of Oz, as a fearful Dorothy hesitatingly walks down the yellow brick road with the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Cowardly Lion, chanting, “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” But that didn’t stop Dorothy. She held on, believed in herself and her mission, and kept moving forward.
In the end, I feel so blessed to be alive — to have the ability to enjoy everything in front of me. I have so much to look forward to. I will take a page from my friend’s playbook: I am beautiful, I am smart, and I am wonderful, fun company!
To settle would be tragic.
So, I will happily don those ruby slippers and keep moving forward — into a wonderful life, solo or coupled, somewhere over the rainbow.
Where might your yellow brick road lead if you stopped waiting for someone else to walk it with you? And who might you meet along the way?
Tell me in the comments — what old perceptions have you let go of, and how has your journey changed because of it?
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