By Meredith Siegel Cohen, Creator, Single and Striking Out

I imagine all parents have that moment when they look at their grown child and see them in a new “adult” light.

It can happen in an instant, creeping up on you without warning. And, I must say, it’s pretty cool.

A Meaningful Gift

Two months ago, I was contemplating what to give my son, Mitch, as a gift for graduation from his Master’s program. I definitely was not adding to his video game collection, and he has a nice enough watch, with one of my father’s heirlooms waiting in the wings.

What could I do that would be meaningful?

As I pondered my options, it occurred to me that we have never taken a mother-son vacation. I’ve been away with my daughter but never with Mitch. Sure, we have done overnights in New York City, but never a fuller trip. A gift of travel has obvious benefits, depending on where one goes, such as relaxation, amazing sights, new cuisines, cultural enrichment, and an abundance of history (my favorite!) to learn. But more than that, it creates memories, something our mind’s eye references throughout our entire life.

Yes!

Wishing to make a deposit in both of our memory banks, I sought just one directive from him:

Beach or city?

I was thrilled that his answer was “beach,” as I think we both needed a tropical getaway. A warm respite where we could permit ourselves to be very, very present and just enjoy each other’s company without a full itinerary.

At his celebratory graduation lunch, he was excited to learn that we would be flying off to Aruba, for a week of swimming, eating, and sunbathing. This was a gift of decompression, to step out of all responsibility.

What I could not have realized at the time was that this would be a “present” of great magnitude for me as well—beyond the sun—to appreciate his growth, his maturity, and his thoughtfulness. 

One Happy Guy on One Happy Island

From the moment we were picked up, Mitch was helpful and displayed deep appreciation. He lugged our two big suitcases without complaint, ordered my breakfast as I sat with our bags at the airport café, and thanked me repeatedly for planning this for him.

I was proud that his pleasant demeanor continued throughout the trip. He was polite to the bellhops, kind to servers in the restaurants, chatty with taxi drivers, and ever ready to engage with others in a respectful manner.

The worries of the world melted off of our shoulders. We were present in a way that rarely happens, appreciating the soothing breezes against the heat, swimming in the clear turquoise waters, and feeling the soft granules of sand between our toes. Even when we were silently sitting together under the straw hut umbrellas, reading, listening to music, or just daydreaming, we recognized and enjoyed the gift of quietly being together.

We dressed for dinner every night. I know he did it to make me happy and I truly was. As I sat across from him one evening, it struck me that my little boy had grown into a handsome man. I studied his face. His baby blue eyes were more pronounced by the similar hue of his linen shirt, and his tan face was lean with a chiseled jaw.  I watched as he contemplated responses to my questions, listened as he articulated his thoughts, and was impressed with his willingness to be vulnerable.

He shared his dreams for a successful career, a loving wife, children; and, his fears. Will he make it in this world? Does he have what it takes? Will he achieve full independence?

We spoke of where he started, with a diagnosis of developmental delays and an uncertain future. I recalled all the effort and work over the years, and how he has shown me that miracles do exist, time and time again. My son has taught me more about life, love and inclusion than any other. He has been my greatest professor of sorts. I reminded him that when he felt doubtful, he should reflect on his upward trajectory. No one knows how to turn challenges into success better than him. 

A Generous Man

One morning, we took a walk and did some shopping. Upon stepping into one store, Mitch immediately spotted a sassy little sign that said, in essence, women get stuff done (though in more colorful language. You get the idea).

He held it up for me to see, and we both laughed. I knew exactly what he was referencing, and that it was meant to be a compliment. With this gesture, he was acknowledging that I have handled and stewarded him through so much. But the best part was when he said, “Mom, I think you need this for your desk and I would like to buy it for you.”

I almost fell over. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man, other than my father, show such simple, thoughtful generosity. The low cost of the plaque did not matter. It was the innate desire to do something kind for me (without suggestion) that struck a chord.

My son is a generous soul. (Daddy, I hope you are seeing this. You modeled, and he paid attention).

A Shared Gain

There are times when my solo status fills me with surprising gratitude.

If I had been partnered, this trip might have looked different or it might not have happened at all. And what a shame that would have been. The joy that I derived from our week in Aruba was layered. I discovered that Mitchell’s boyish sweetness has grown in leaps and bounds, and that his caring, thoughtful and generous nature will serve him well in adult life. I was pleased to see his openness and comfort with vulnerability, as that is the way we gain greater self-awareness. And I was thrilled to discover that my son had become not only a wonderful travel companion, but also my friend.

In the end, I’m not sure who benefited more from this vacation, Mitch or myself. Amidst the unencumbered, sunny days, I was given a golden opportunity to pause and really see the shining adult my son has become.

And that, without question, was the greatest gift.

Find us on social media, follow along, and share with others!

• 
•