Looking Back to Embolden the Future
by Meredith Siegel Cohen, Creator, Single and Striking Out
This morning, as I was walking my pooch (at 6 a.m. – ugh), I gazed up at the tree at the end of my street. She sits off to one side, hardly noticeable in the winter—a skinny, gray thing, bare-branched and a little sad-looking. Typically, in early to mid-March, she sprouts tiny buds, and each year, I think to myself, It’s too early for this. But day by day, those buds get a little fuller, a little rounder, and by the end of the month, a majestic magnolia tree with gorgeous pink flowers commands attention—easily the most beautiful and stately Magnolia x soulangeana on the block. (Impressed? I looked it up to be fancy.)
You would never guess she had just endured a bitterly cold, wet, and windy season. All you see, in her full bloom, is a stunning specimen.
It immediately made me think of my divorce and the seasons I’ve endured to arrive at this moment—where I can write about embracing and even feeling content in my solo status. Sometimes, to truly appreciate where we are, we have to look back at where we’ve been. It’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture in daily life, yet it’s critically important to reflect on our strength, grit, and perseverance—so that we may draw on them moving forward.
My Harsh Winter
Divorce guts you. I don’t know a divorced person who would disagree with that statement. In some way, it rips apart the fabric of your being, at least for a time. Regardless of how it happens, a divorce between two people who once loved and trusted each other can create feelings of failure, weakness, helplessness, mistrust, shame, embarrassment, and extreme discomfort. And then there’s grief—the quiet mourning of a life you once envisioned, now laid to rest.
During the darkest days of my divorce, I remember my mother telling me, “Meredith, you will be the latest news for about two weeks. Then, people will move on.” She was right. People didn’t care that much. I mean, my friends cared, but the rest were just curious about the “scoop.”
When you’re in the thick of it, it’s nearly impossible to see the light on the other side—or even believe there is another side. The physical effects of anxiety, stress, anger, and despair—nausea, depression, fatigue, sleeplessness, shallow breathing—are all too real. Even in the most amicable divorces, I have to believe the toll is significant.
For many women, we have to handle this impact while forging ahead. Our needs take a backseat to our children, careers, and the sheer logistics of untangling a life—selling a house, figuring out finances, working with lawyers, moving, and carving out an identity as a single person in a world of couples. Even the most basic tasks—grocery shopping, cooking, reading a book, making small talk—require tremendous effort. It’s as if life slows to a crawl, and every step forward carries an element of pain.
I remember the morning our divorce was finalized in court. After the proceedings, I went to a coffee shop and journaled. I watched the cars whizzing by, people coming in and out—life moving at its normal pace. How could that be? The day was anything but normal for me.
On the café’s TV, the news broke that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were divorcing. It felt fitting—divorce seemed to be the theme of the day.
Interestingly, I wrote this in my journal:
No one else can bring me happiness. I have to create my own and focus on what’s really important right now. Then, and maybe only then, can someone truly enter my realm. Right now, it seems like I’m looking to others for happiness, and that’s wrong.
Nearly nine years later, those words still hold meaning.
Drawing Strength from the Past
Just like the magnolia, I have weathered thunderous storms. My divorce will always stand out as one of the most challenging times of my life. But more than anything, I have bloomed in unexpected ways.
I have found deep peace, no longer losing sleep over the actions of another.
I have discovered the depth of my capability under difficult circumstances.
I have rediscovered happiness and the joy of laughter.
I have loved and lost, learning with each experience what truly matters to me in a future partner.
I have gained greater self-awareness (an ongoing education, to be sure).
I have come to understand that my mistakes are part of my evolution.
I have learned that loving myself for exactly who I am today, while believing in what I can become, is essential to my well-being.
Wow. As I reflect on all I’ve gained, I feel a little impressed with myself (sheepishly smiling).
This isn’t about celebrating the fact that I got divorced—it’s about recognizing that I made it through.
Like the magnolia, I didn’t just endure—I emerged. Stronger, more self-assured, and fully capable of standing tall. And because I did, I know I can handle change and uncertainty. If I could rebuild my life after that upheaval, I can trust myself to embrace my solo season with confidence.
The abundant arbor on my street.
P.S. For anyone in the thick of divorce—there is another side, and you will get there. Walk through the tough stuff, one foot in front of the other. A more peaceful, lighter, and brighter side is waiting. It’s hard to believe during a dark and bitter season, but just know that your personal spring is coming—and you, too, will emerge stronger and taller. And if the weight feels too heavy to carry alone, there is no shame in seeking help along the way. I certainly did.
For further assurance, here’s a message from our now-single gal Angie, on how to get through a hard time: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/w8E2LbZJOls?feature=share
Meredith; your writing is beautiful and inspiring! Your ability to express your feelings and share your vulnerabilities so openly is admired. I believe your blog is a gift to many.
Thank you Barbara! Your words are a gift to me!