by Meredith Siegel Cohen, Creator, Single and Striking Out
The title of this blog may make you think that I’m a newly single woman, but I’ve actually been divorced for over eight years, and as any divorced person knows, alone even longer. Sure, it might seem strange for someone who’s been living on her own for a decade to say she’s only now “striking out,” but to me, it makes perfect sense. I’ve realized that striking out doesn’t just mean physically stepping into the world, but also finding the courage to step into yourself. And that’s the part I’m still learning.
Why write this now?
While I’ve been free from a 19-year marriage for years, the true challenge of being really solo didn’t hit me until recently. Throughout my separation, I isolated when I wasn’t with my children, opting to do little except walk my dog, sleep, work and journal. I also went to therapy to work through residual issues and some situational depression. Seven months in, my mother urged me to start dating, worried about my lethargy. I was spending weekends in sweatpants and makeup-free, and she wanted to see me back to myself (guess this wasn’t her ideal look for me!).
Being the ever-dutiful daughter, I reluctantly obliged, and joined a couple of online dating sites. I did not realize how much attention a newbie could get, and was shocked by all the outreach! It was flattering and fun, and I started to feel like myself again. The interest in shopping, getting dressed up and socializing returned with a vengeance.
Loving and losing . . . again
After five months of rigorous dating, I met someone special, and we began a seven-year on-again, off-again relationship. You read that right. 7 years. Throughout our time together, there were moments when I struggled with balancing my need for independence and my fear of loneliness. It wasn’t constant, but at times, I compromised on things that were important to me – like communication and lifestyle – because I was afraid of facing that loneliness, which I found difficult to acknowledge for a long time.
This cycle of breaking up and getting back together taught me something crucial: a good man doesn’t necessarily equal the right one for me. Despite the love that existed (and there certainly was), we couldn’t meet each other’s needs in a way that allowed both of us to fully thrive. When it ended, I thought I’d finally have the space to truly embrace solo life, but things didn’t play out exactly as I’d imagined.
I was hesitant. Most of my friends were married, or in relationships, leaving me with weekends to fill on my own. If I had a date, I’d be busy, but otherwise, I’d spend Saturday nights alone, ordering in or watching TV. I’d imagined this phase would involve enriching cultural outings, travel, and dining solo, but instead, work often took over, giving me the illusion of being too busy to do anything else. The truth was, I avoided going out alone, afraid of feeling uncomfortable or judged.
The Road Ahead
For me, this is a year of transformation, one where I’m focusing on discovering what comes next in ‘Chapter 3.’ Professionally, I stepped away from my established career to explore a new direction and find a more balanced course in my next job. Crazy? Maybe so. And personally, I committed to pushing past the fear that has held me back. Unexpectedly, though, I still find myself stuck in the same place.
It’s tiring to feel constrained like this. It’s time to stop waiting for someone else to complete me. How freeing it must be to feel secure in your own company! And while there are lots of inspiring women who are very comfortable with the solo life – as I follow on social media – I know I’m not the only one who still hesitates.
And so, I’ve decided to write this blog. If you have ever felt held back, afraid to venture into the world as a solo, join me in exploring what it means to reclaim independence and embrace confidence. This is not a call to abandon dating or searching for a partner if that is important to you (to the contrary I’m putting in a greater effort this year), but to encourage us to live life to the fullest while we are doing it.
There is so much for us to discover, unpack and process together, and I hope to build a community where we can learn, grow, and feel empowered to embrace who and where we are – right now.
XO,
Meredith
P.S. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do solo but haven’t yet had the courage to try? Let’s start the conversation in the comments below!
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I have been on the road you are on! No one is more important than you, it’s not selfish to put yourself first and your marriage would not have worked if you tried harder to have a long marriage like grandma did! It looks like you are having an awakening. I look forward to following your journey.
Thank you Joyce! Agreed! Time to have a great appreciation and admiration for ourselves. No more waiting!! So glad you will be following along.
Meredith! I’m so proud of you! Your transparency will help many. Congratulations on starting your new blog!
Thank you Stephanie! That’s the goal – to grow with a whole community. Hope you will subscribe and follow!
Meredith, I’ve known you professionally as a writer for many years. Obviously, your writings never contained the personal journey, vulnerability, strength and transparency you are showing now. I commend you and admire you. Your intelligence, sensitivity and empathy are revealed in every word. In the same way that you made such a meaningful impact on JFCS and the community it served, I know that with this blog, you will again make a meaningful impact, once again helping those who may be struggling. You have seen the value in community and you are now creating your own. I wish you the very best and will continue to watch you shine.
Thank you Lydia, your comments mean so much. I truly hope others will find value and inspiration from my thoughts and experiences, and will share their own.